A Wolf's Forbidden Flower
by PhoenixAlthor
Summary: Lily Evans is my forbidden flower. I've been in love with her since we were fifteen. We had to keep our 'relationship' secret, lest my best friend found out. But what happened when Lily and James got together? She carried on with me as if nothing happ


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**Chapter One - Guilty Pleasure**

I don't own any of these characters unfortunately.

Remus loves Lily, but she just wants to have fun. So what if she ends up going out with his best friend? That isn't going to spoil her fun. Follow Remus and Lily as they revel in their forbidden relationship.

* * *

The two teenagers fumbled about in the dark, hands all over each other. He was unclasping her bra - with difficulty - and kissing her neck. She loved it when he did that. It sent delicious tingles up and down her body. The excitement, the daring, the thrill of the seduction nearly threw Lily off the edge. But each time, she was brought back by those gentle hands. Lily loved those hands. Whether they were holding her face or caressing her breasts, she revelled in the touch.

He was slowly undressing her and Lily followed his lead. She tackled his belt first, which was easy. Then the t-shirt. He held his arms up as she lifted it off. Lily marvelled at his body. His chest was so … so … kissable. And that's what she did. Then he tilted her head up with his thumb and kissed her lightly on the lips while wrapping his bare arms around her body. Bare skin met bare skin. The contact and the kiss threw Lily's hormones into overdrive. She kissed him back with fervour, kissed him so passionately it was as if she was afraid of letting go. And maybe she was. They didn't often get to have moments alone like this. But whenever they did, Lily liked to make the most of it.

Lily was so turned on, she desperately pulled down his trousers and lifted her skirt. They were both taking deep heavy breaths, knowing that this was wrong, but not being able to help it. Remus lifted Lily up onto the small table behind her and proceeded to betray his best friend's heart.

* * *

The two prefects were the only ones left in the room after the meeting. Remus had stayed behind to try and talk to Lily about … them. There really shouldn't be a … them. It was wrong. He knew how much James liked the girl in front of him. He had come to this conclusion in bed the night before. He had come in late and the others had wondered where he was. It eventually led onto the obvious. "So who is she Moony? Who's the lucky girl?" James had teased. Remus hadn't said a thing. If he'd lied and given another name, his friends were bound to have investigated. It would have bought some time, but they would eventually have discovered he was lying. And of course, telling them that his 'lucky girl' was Lily Evans, Remus would have immediately lost one of his best friends. Sirius probably would have followed suit in disgust and Peter … well Peter would have agreed with James.

So now was the time to break it off with Lily Evans, the only girl he had ever loved. Just to save his friendship.

Lily was looking at him, into his eyes. It was as if she knew exactly what he was about to say. They had been standing in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes now. But it was Lily who broke it. She turned her big green eyes on him. "I know what you're going to say Remus. You've had that look on your face all day." Lily swallowed before carrying on. "I understand. You value your friendship with James much more than me."

Picking up her bag, she left. But she turned when she got to the door, and Remus noticed there were tears in her eyes. "Please don't be sad Remus. You'll find another girl. One who is better than me."

Then she opened the door and disappeared out of Remus' life forever.

* * *

The Gryffindor common room was a mess of noise and celebration. It was the end of their sixth year and Gryffindor had just won the Quidditch final. James, who was Captain and Chaser for the team was boasting loudly to anyone who would listen about how if it wasn't for him they never would have won. Sirius was there as well, embellishing beside James, showing off for the girls. There certainly were plenty of them staring admiringly at him. At one point James noticed that most of the attention was off him and on his best friend. Sirius didn't notice James lifting his hand and swinging it rapidly in his direction.. "Ow!" Sirius shouted. "What was that for?!"

James looked offended and explained. "I'm the Quidditch hero here. I should be getting all the attention! Push off!"

"No, I happen to like this side of the common room thank you very much. Why don't _you _show off somewhere else."

And with that Sirius turned around to his adoring fans again and ignored James. He gave one of the girls a particularly dazzling smile and continued with his showing off. Unfortunately it happened to be about how he had taught James everything he knew and that James' talent was due to Sirius.

This caused a fight. Sirius and James were rolling about on the floor, while everyone else in the common room shouted, "Fight, fight, fight, fight!"

Remus just stood there watching his friends scramble about on the floor. He didn't even try to intervene, because he knew what would happen. Remus would get caught up in the fight. No thank you. Last time that had happened, he had definitely been the worst off, with two black eyes, bruised ribs and a broken nose. It was safer to stay out of it.

Sirius and James would break it off soon anyway. They always did, and they would all laugh about it afterwards. Remus was enjoying this fight so much he never even noticed a girl come to stand next to him. It wasn't until she spoke, that he realised who it was and froze.

"Hi," Lily said.

"Hi," Remus said stiffly back.

"Now do you realise my reason for not wanting to go out with James Potter?" She waved her hand over the scene. James had Sirius in a headlock and was rubbing his head. But what James didn't realise, was that Sirius had a free hand. He pushed it back and grabbed James' nipple and twisted hard. James squealed like a girl.

Remus sighed. He supposed he did see what Lily meant. But it made it no easier for the internal war raging inside of him. It had only been three months ago since they had 'broken up' and even by avoiding Lily he had been finding it extremely difficult to forget about her. But now that she right next to him, so close he could actually smell her perfume, his hormones were going into overdrive.

Lily moved closer to him as she continued. "Can we talk?"

Remus couldn't help it, he leaned in closer, so they were practically touching. Remus' heart was beating nineteen to the dozen.

Then Lily did something that completely took his breath away. She held his hand. Remus glanced around nervously to see if anyone was watching them. But they weren't Everyone was still concentrating on the James/Sirius fight. There were bets flying around to who would win. The odds were pretty evenly matched.

Lily kept hold of Remus' hand and lead him out of the portrait hole. They didn't say anything to each other until they had reached an empty classroom.

The door closed and Lily pinned Remus to the door and locked her lips on his. The passion flying about them in all directions. Within a few seconds, all clothes were lost and the betrayal continued.

In amongst the naked skin, panting and passion, Remus wondered if they would ever stop the betrayal. But on the other hand, Remus hoped against hope that it never would. The feel of her skin beneath his drove him wild and for the wildly passionate minutes (or was it hours?) Remus didn't care. He pushed his guilt off to one side and selfishly enjoyed every second with the girl of his dreams.

* * *

Remus was shocked and surprised. Lily had been made Head Girl. But that wasn't the shocked and surprised part. He gripped the letter firmly and re read what Lily had written. James Potter had been made Head Boy! What the hell! How on earth did the most mischievous student to ever attend Hogwarts (apart from Sirius) become Head Boy? Both he and Lily had been expecting himself to get it. Dumbledore must be deranged. _He's finally lost it,_ he thought.

James and Lily were going to be working together for the whole of their last year. James would be ecstatic about this. Finally, he had an excuse to hang around with Lily.

Remus scrunched the letter in his fist and ripped it apart, only keeping the bottom, which read, Always yours, Lily.

Remus had to fight back tears. This year was going to be an interesting one. And it probably wasn't going to go in his favour.

* * *

Remus sat in an armchair by the fire in the Gryffindor common room, pretending to do his Arithmancy homework. But in reality he was eavesdropping on the conversation going on a few feet away from him.

Lily was there with James Potter. And they were actually laughing. Not at each other, but with each other. Jealousy swarmed through him like a stampede of buffalo.

Remus cast his eyes down again and pretended to be checking on a complicated Arithmancy problem. But he could still see them out of the corner of his eye. They were still chatting about the two third years they had caught in a broom cupboard on the second floor. _We used to go to that broom cupboard. You wouldn't be smiling now, Lily if we had been caught._

Sirius came and sat on the arm of his chair and as usual said something completely insensitive.

"Your mystery girl turned you down again, Moony. don't worry, I can fix you up with someone else. They'll make you forget all about _her._"

"Shut up, Padfoot!" Remus growled as he pushed his friend off the chair with a thump.

* * *

What in the crap was he doing here? Remus was currently in a broom cupboard on the seventh floor with a girl. A pimply sixth year Gryffindor whom he had never spoken to before now. In fact, he didn't think he had actually spoken to her yet even now.

Damn Sirius and his persuasive manner. For some stupid reason, Remus had taken Sirius up on his offer to find him a girl, any girl. So explains the current broom cupboard situation.

He really should never listen to Sirius ever again. But he couldn't help it when only a week after the original Lily/James/jealousy incident, Remus had witnessed the two of them on their rounds looking adoringly into each others eyes. And if you must know, Remus had seen them in passing … Ok that is a lie. He followed them wearing James' invisibility cloak.

What with that revelation, Remus had immediately gone back to his dorm and drunk a whole bottle of firewhisky. Sirius had caught him and offered his help again. Unfortunately, Remus had accepted. Had he been sober? Well who knows. He had just had his heart broken.

Remus was still feeling rather hazy from the alcohol, and was surprised that he wasn't a dribbling mess. He had witnessed Sirius down a whole bottle of firewhisky and the results hadn't been pleasant. One: he had spewed all over the dorm room, Two: got the hiccups, and Three: had rambled on about all sorts of shit before projectile vomiting once again, this time onto Moony's bed and then passing out.

Remus supposed his resistance to such was because of his werewolfyness (if that's even a word). But for once, he wished that he had passed out before he could answer Sirius' question.

He decided he had to try and get out of this situation, somehow before it got wo -

Oh shit.

Jemma had gotten ahead of herself. Without his noticing, She had somehow taken his belt off, unbuttoned his trousers and stuck her hand 'down there.'

Oh shit.

Was it bad if he was actually enjoying this?

* * *

Remus was still going out with Jemma two weeks later, when something happened that made Remus want to hurl. James Potter and Lily Evans were an item.

James was grinning manically while Lily simply smiled. Remus sighed. He knew how long James had been chasing Lily. Since fourth year, he had been unbearable, always talking about Lily. Now that they were together, it wasn't likely to stop.

Remus kept his distance. This was the worst day of his life. He just couldn't bear to see the two of them happy together.

Unfortunately for Remus, Lily and James were now making their way over to him. _Oh shit!_

James continued to grin as he spoke. "Well Moony, here we are. I bet you never saw this happening!

"No I didn't," he replied quietly looking at Lily.

She wouldn't meet his eyes and instead looked up at James.

At that very moment in time, Remus considered killing himself. For the very first time. A lot of terrible things had happened in his life - being a werewolf being the forefront - but nothing, and I mean nothing hurt more than this.

Remus had to stand there and act all normal as his best friend showed off his new girlfriend, who happened to be the girl of Remus' dreams.

Lily hadn't only broken his heart, she had torn it from his chest, smashed it with a machete and then boiled the remains in a cauldron till they melted. Took it out to dry, then smashed it again with a small hammer. The more hits, the more it hurts.

* * *

There was knock at his door. Remus gathered together the papers he had been working on and dumped them unceremoniously onto his desk. He always seemed to be dumped with the boring paperwork for the Order, while James and Sirius got all the exciting Auror type work.

Remus opened the door and got the shock of his life. Lily Evans was standing on his front doorstep, being rained on.

Remus couldn't move. He was stunned. He never expected to see her here. The last time they had spoken had been two months ago, and that had ended very badly. Remus had told her where to go. That he never wanted to speak to her again.

"Can I come in or are you going to let me get soaked?"

Remus almost answered straight away with the getting soaked idea. But he didn't. He stood aside and let her in.

Lily walked into his living room and looked around. She hadn't been here before, as she and Remus hadn't exactly been on speaking terms lately. "Nice place you've got."

Remus almost thought she was being sarcastic, since his place was far from nice. It was full of second hand, moth eaten furniture and a threadbare carpet with books strewn everywhere. The only thing that seemed nice was the merrily blazing fire in the hearth.

Lily performed a drying charm on herself, took her coat and scarf off and sat down. Remus offered her a drink, but she politely declined. She patted the seat next to her and he sat down.

He couldn't quite meet her eye, even though she was staring right at him.

Lily lifted his chin up with her thumb. "Remus look at me."

He did. But her touch was too much and he shook her hand away.

She took a deep breath. "We need to talk."

Remus stayed silent, waiting for her to carry on.

"I know we haven't been the best of friends lately," Lily continued. "But I was hoping we could come to some sort of truce."

Remus looked into her emerald eyes, trying to read her feelings, but he only came back with a blank.

"Why?" was all he said.

"Because this is stupid. To still have your silly school boy crush on me is ridiculous and -"

"Is it?" Remus unwittingly held her hand. His body reacting to her rather than his brain.

Lily seemed a little startled by this but didn't let go.

A silence descended between the two of them as they stared into each others eyes. Green rivalling brown. And before either of them could think, time stopped and they were leaning towards each other, the distant, yet familiar excitement and passion rushing through his body. They were centimetres apart. Remus could practically count her individual eyelashes. But it was the lips coming towards him that he concentrated on. He hadn't touched them for so long, too long.

Then the feel of her lips were under his. And she was kissing back. Passion coursed through the two of them like fireworks. The heat was steadily being turned up and before the two of them noticed, it was like time had switched to fast forward and play again. They were both naked and lying on his sagging couch after having passionate and lustful and … and … what's the word? Two years worth of make up sex. Remus was sweating and still panting slightly as he held Lily in his arms. She rested her head on his bare chest and gently played with his left nipple.

They lay there in a comfortable silence for several minutes. Remus thinking blissful thoughts about what had just happened. He knew he should feel guilty, but for now he was holding it at bay. He would despair about it after Lily left and went back to James. But would she? Maybe she had come over because they had split up and she finally wanted the two of them to be together? It was a wishful thought and Remus was about to ask her what she needed to talk to him about in the first place, before they had gotten sidetracked.

But Lily got there first. She sat up and looked Remus in the eye. What she said next, ripped Remus' heart out all over again and shattered it into a million pieces.

"James asked me to marry him. I said yes."

She then proceeded to get dressed and walked out the door, out of his life. Again.

Over the next few months, Remus became very moody. And nobody seemed to know why. Apart from Lily. But she wasn't likely to tell anyone. Evil, conniving little Bitch!

James especially was worried about him and was constantly trying to cheer him up. But Remus just couldn't do it. Every time he saw James, he felt a mixture of jealousy and pity. He had no idea what his fiancé was really like.

Several times, Remus almost told him. Told him the truth. It always seemed to be on the tip of his tongue. _"I've been sleeping with Lily ever since fifth year! She's broken my heart several times over, but I just can't help loving her. Do you know what she did when she came over to mine to tell me your 'good news'? She ruthlessly shagged me then left. She doesn't care about anyone, not you, not me, not anyone. She only looks out for number one!"_

But of course, Remus never said any of this. All for the same reason he had at school. He valued his friends above everything else. And if he told, he would lose the most important people in his life. James, Sirius and Peter would no longer want to be around him. It would ruin Lily's life as well, but he really didn't care about that. Selfishly he cared about what would happen to him for a change.

The wedding came and went. Remus wasn't involved with it. He had been sent an invitation, but made an excuse on the day. It would have been the last straw if he had to watch James and Lily being all happy with each other. Knowing him, he would've gotten drunk to drown his sorrows and ended up blurting out his great secret.

No, he was far better at home with a bottle of firewhisky to himself and Joni Mitchell.

Before long, the tears were pouring down his face as he thought of every moment he and Lily had had together. Much as he hated to admit it, she made him feel alive, like he was on top of the world, like nothing could hurt him. But of course it could. Every time they finished, reality would come crashing down all over again, and the guilt and despair would get worse and worse.

All of a sudden there was a knock on his door. He ignored it, remembering the last time there had been an unexpected knock on his door.

The knock came again. Remus ignored it again.

About a minute passed and Remus thought that the person had finally gone away. But he heard the front door creak open. Remus suddenly jumped up and pointed his wand at the person who had just entered the room.

Sirius Black stood there, with his fancy black suit on and a rather serious look on his face.

"So this is where you're hiding yourself then."

Remus didn't say anything. He knew he must have looked a mess. Drunk with tears freely running down his face. But he just didn't care anymore. He wanted this to end. He wanted to stop hurting.

Sirius came over and sat down on the coffee table opposite his friend.

"I understand," he said as he took the bottle and glass away from Remus, "And drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to help."

Remus was so stunned he forgot to protest about the drink being taken away. Did he know? How could he possibly know? Did Lily tell him? No. Maybe he's talking about something else. Sirius must be mistaken.

Remus didn't say anything, just stared at Sirius blearily with a confused expression on his face.

Sirius sighed. "I know about you and Lily."

Remus sat up suddenly, and instantly wished he hadn't. The alcohol swirling around went straight to his head and he felt a little dizzy. Slumping down again he said, "How did you find out?"

"It's been obvious for the past six months now," Sirius said. "I mean, why else would you avoid her like the plague?"

Remus put his head in his hands and tried not to cry. His world was falling apart. Eventually he said, "Why didn't you say anything before?" as he emerged.

"I only asked Lily about it last week. She told me everything."

Remus was horrified. For a few moments he was speechless. He tried to read Sirius' expression, but it was completely blank. No clue to what he was thinking. No clue to whether or not his best friend was going to disown him. Nothing.

Remus had a lump in his throat, which made it difficult to swallow, and talk.

"Does James know?" was all Remus could squeeze out.

"No. And that's the way it's going to stay."

Remus was stunned. For that moment he felt a great rush of affection towards his friend and also … confusion. James and Sirius were the best of friends who told each other everything. There wasn't a secret between them, they were like brothers. Remus said as much. Sirius replied with. "Everyone's got to have secrets. And knowing the truth isn't always the best option. This would ruin James if he ever found out."

Once again, for what felt like the millionth time since fifth year, guilt flooded his soul. Remus couldn't take it any longer and he broke down. Sirius put his arm around his friend as he sobbed. All Remus could say was, "I didn't mean to fall in love with her!" over and over again.

Sirius sat there with his friend doing what he could to comfort Remus. The wedding of his best friend momentarily forgotten.

All Remus could think about was how grateful he was to Sirius. The most precious thing in Remus' life hadn't walked away. Sirius was still there. James was still there. Peter was still there. The three best friends a man could ever have.

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Please, please, please review. It would make me very happy indeed.


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